Best Anniversary Jokes on the Internet
Life and Wife
After all
the background checks, interviews and testing were done for an FBI job,
there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair
Kill her!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said,'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your
wife and go home'.
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with
tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. I had to beat him to death
with the chair."
(If you have a faster internet connection, enjoy
this short video- it shows how is life with wife, generally! [forwarded
by a friend- T. Savani])
Friends, if you want to entertain audience at your best friend's marriage
anniversary or at any family party, this is a collection of jokes and
fun lines which can make you a hot commodity among people out there.
Don't take home any impression from this page that I don't love my lovely
wife!
If you are on my website for more than few minutes, you would have
gotten the message- life is incomplete without stock
trading and without a wife
(spouse). These two things add lot of color and emotions (good and bad)
to our life and make it complete (or should I say finished???). To attain
success in these two, it takes hard work and discipline, and years of
training. However I know most people look for short cuts so let me share
my 2 cents worth of experience:
For success in short-term
stock trading, always
keep a stop-loss.
For success in married life:
When you
are wrong, admit it to your spouse; when you are right, keep your mouth
shut.
Enjoy this page and don't forget to email me if you have something
to share on this topic------>
A
woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds
him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches
as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room,
"Why are you down here at this time of night?".
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 25 years ago
when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember
when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him. The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun
in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you
to jail for 25 years?"
"I remember that too" she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten
out today".
(Above
joke contributed by: Yatin Buch)
My wife
and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
A good
wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Milton Berle
I was married
by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- George Burns
The secret
of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
After a
quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I
married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
When a
man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
her.
I haven't
spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
A man
said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because
the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Getting
married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order
what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish
you had ordered that.
Man is
incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A little
boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Young Son:
Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his
wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
(Jayesh: A man doesn't know his wife even after 50 years of marriage.)
(Did you hear that nice joke about 'Bridge to Hawaii'!! If not, let
me know)
Then there
was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got
married; then it was too late.
A man
placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received
a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A woman
was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."
A man,
upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman
just like mother!"
His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
Marriage
is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is
the triumph of hope over experience.
If you
want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
say, talk in your sleep.
It's not
true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
Losing
a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
Passport
Photo coupons, Passport
photo deals
A man was
complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a
big car, the love of a beautiful woman-then, BAM!, it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked his friend. "I got married...
I think
one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and
father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no
one pays the least bit of attention.
A successful
man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful
woman is one who can find such a man.
How do
most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done
free.
The most
effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Words to
live by : Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
First guy
(proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
(Following
one contributed by Ashok
Dhingara)
Everybody
on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men
to form two queues -- one line for the men that dominated their women
on earth, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their
women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
The next
time God looked, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line
for the men who were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and
in the line of men who dominated their women there was only one man.
God got
mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you
in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only
one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell
them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man
replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
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full of such jokes on Husband and Wife
