Best Husband Jokes/Funny
jokes on Married People on the Internet
make sure that women of the world do not make me their enemy or sue
me (I am a trader anyway so the later is not going to get you any money
ask your husband for a hair dryer with eyes closed LOL
by a wife which applies to most husbands:
"Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours
& he needs a lot of improvement"
some jokes on husbands---- (forwarded by a friend, Tulsi
a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds
after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," She replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest
woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of
the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
- Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while
I sit on the sofa and fart.
do you call an! intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said
that because they had been so good that each one of them could have
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately
he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q : What do you call a handcuffed man?
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
like my collection? If you come across some joke on married life, please
forward it to me to make this collection even better.
like stock trading? I have a solid but simple method to find stocks
for trading. Visit my Short
Term Stock Trading website at http://www.profitfromprices.com/
How do these people seek a wife? (Forwarded by Ashok Dhingara. Thanks.)
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article.
One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking
for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house,
car and successful career!
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are
high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy
a burden upon the national interest.
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate
and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further
my family unit.
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed
of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and
the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.
Wife wanted for company.
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live,
to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences
and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share
our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities,
as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and
never getting to the point)
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the
post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should
be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence
to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing
to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself.
Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply
in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and
void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants.
She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly
on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she
absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai,
Key hum bee shaadi shooda ho jaayeh,
Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka............... joh
kurrey sarey sarey,
Yeah mai butaatah hoon .........
Kyoon key yaroo ub khud ghur keh kaam hotah nahee
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures.
She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very
nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible.
She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory.
I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round.
Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can
carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks
for trial. Sample should be ample.
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from
base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary,
but map reading
skills are a bonus.
Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey,
Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee dey dey,
Allah terah bullah kurrey,
Tujhey eik key balley doh dey dey,
Hillery hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must
be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However
if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful
applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares
wins. Camouflage provided.
RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able
to keep pace!
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to
share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!