Best Jokes on Married People on the Internet
Life and Wife
Don't take home any impression from this page that I don't love
my lovely wife!
If you are on my website for more than few minutes, you would have
gotten the message- life is incomplete without stock
trading and without a wife
(spouse). These two things add lot of color and emotions (good and bad)
to our life and make it complete (or should I say finished???). To attain
success in these two, it takes hard work and discipline, and years of
training. However I know most people look for short cuts so let me share
my 2 cents worth of experience:
For success in short-term
stock trading, always
keep a stop-loss.
For success in married life:
When you
are wrong, admit it to your spouse; when you are right, keep your mouth
shut.
A
"Husband Shopping Centre" was opened where a woman could go to choose
from among many men, to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors,
with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the
floors. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you
must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't
go back down except to leave the place. So, a couple of girlfriends
go to the place to find men.
First
floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and say: "Well that's better than not having
jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they
go.
Second
floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely
good looking". "Hmmm", say the girls, "But, I wonder what's further
up?".
Third
floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking,
love kids and help with the housework." "Wow!" say the women. "Very
tempting, BUT, there's more further up!" And so again, they go up.
Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely
good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me. But just think!?!?! What must be awaiting us further
on!" So up to the fifth floor they go.
The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women
are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day!!"
(Above
joke contributed by: Ashok Dhingara)
Just to make sure that women of the world do not make me their enemy
or sue me (I am a trader anyway so the later is not going to get you
any money ;)
Here are some jokes on husbands---- (forwarded by a friend, Tulsi
Savani.)
One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," She replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped
out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think
if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while
I sit on the sofa and fart.
Q: What do you call an! intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A:
A rumor
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them
and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could
have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately
he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
--------------
Q : What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
--------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
--------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
Did you like my collection? If you come across some joke on married
life, please forward it to me to make this collection even better.
Do you like stock trading? I have a solid but simple method to find
stocks for trading. Visit my Short
Term Stock Trading website at http://www.profitfromprices.com/
Click here for best aniversary
jokes
How do these people seek a wife? (Forwarded by Ashok Dhingara. Thanks.)
FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article.
One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking
for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house,
car and successful career!
ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are
high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy
a burden upon the national interest.
MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate
and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further
my family unit.
IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed
of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and
the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.
BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.
POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live,
to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences
and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share
our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities,
as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and
never getting to the point)
CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent
working condition.
FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the
post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should
be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence
to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing
to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself.
Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply
in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and
void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.
PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants.
She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly
on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she
absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!
BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
SHAAYAR
Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai,
Key hum bee shaadi shooda ho jaayeh,
Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka............... joh
kurrey sarey sarey,
Yeah mai butaatah hoon .........
Kyoon key yaroo ub khud ghur keh kaam hotah nahee
sarey sarey.
ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures.
She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very
nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible.
She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
SHIRABI
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory.
I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round.
Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can
carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks
for trial. Sample should be ample.
MINICAB DRIVER
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from
base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary,
but map reading
skills are a bonus.
BEGGAR
Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey,
Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee dey dey,
Allah terah bullah kurrey,
Tujhey eik key balley doh dey dey,
Hillery hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!
BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must
be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.
DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However
if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful
applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares
wins. Camouflage provided.
RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able
to keep pace!
ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to
share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
