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Jokes on Gujarati people (Gujju jokes)

You can read this same first one at http://notableemails.blogspot.com/2014/06/gujju-jokes.html

Gujju Tip 1 : Thepla થેપલા  is our bread and Athaanu અથાણું  is our butter.

Gujju Tip 2 : A Gujju may feel tired after 10 mins of Walking,
But the same Gujju is still energetic after 5 hours of Non Stop Garba !!

Gujju Tip 3 : You are a 'pakka' gujju if you have gossiped about someone for hours and then said, "જવા દે આપણું શું! javade aapde shu" 

Gujju Tip 4 : "Every Gujju will introduce their spouse as "Aa mara Mrs. Chhe or Aa mara Mr. chhe" !

Gujju Tip 5 : The World says Save Electricity, Save Water, Save Nature;
But Gujju says: Sev Puri, Sev Khaman, Sev Gathiya etc.

Ek party ma , Gujjubhai asked a girl, "તમે dance  કરશો? (Tame dance karso?)"
Chokri ubhi thai gayi ane boli 
છોકરી ખુશીની મારી ઉભી થઇ ગઈ!
"Haan"
GujjubhaI: "
તો ખુરશી હું લઇ જાઉં? Toh aa khursi hun lai jau"?

 


Why gujjus do well in any field..... 
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Mr. Patel.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Mr. Patel says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.
2000 people leave the room.

Mr. Patel says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.......... ...

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.

Mr. Patel says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room..

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak japanese to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Mr.Patel says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of japanese but what do I have to lose?'
So he stays and finds himself with One other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak japanese, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Mr. Patel turns to the other candidate and says,
`
કેમ છો? (Kem chho)?
The other candidate answers 
'
એકદમ મજામાં! ekdam majaa maa !'


 

Patel is a Gujju-bhai. Patel was bragging to his boss one day,' You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Patel how about Tom Cruise?'
'Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.' So Patel and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, 'Patel! Great to see you. You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!' Although impressed, Patel's boss is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Patel that he thinks Patel's knowing Cruise was just lucky. 'No, no, just name anyone else,' Patel says.
'President Bush,' his boss quickly retorts.
'Yes,' Patel says, 'I know him, let's fly out to Washington.' And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Patel on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, 'Patel , what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up.'

Well, the boss is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Patel who again implores him to name anyone else.

'The Pope,' his boss replies.
'Sure!' says Patel . 'My folks use to live in Germany, and I've known the Pope a long time.'

So off they fly to Rome. Patel and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Patel says,'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.' And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Patel emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Patel returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Patel asks him, 'What happened?'
His boss looks up and says, 'I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, who's that man on the balcony with Patel?


A Patel walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks andneeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked ut very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.  What  puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Patel replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"


A gujju is going in a taxi and the driver says in despair,"The brake failed. Brake is not working saheb!". Gujju immediately replies, "Stop the meter first"

 


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