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happens is not as important as how you react to what happens.
- Thaddeus Golas
MOM Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a
girl roommate Sunita... During the course of the meal, his mother
couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had
long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had
only made her more curious.
the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started
to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met
Reading his mom' s thoughts, Kumar volunteered," I know what you must
be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."
a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I' ve been unable to find the silver chutney (Spicy
Paste) jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you? "
"Well, I doubt it, but I 'll email her, just to be sure " So he sat
down and wrote: Dear Mother, I 'm not saying that you did take the
chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you did not take the
chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since
you were here for dinner. Love, Kumar.
days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read: Dear
Son, I 'm not saying that you do sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying
that you do not sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she
were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar
by now. Love, Mum.
Learn to Live...
a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The salesperson, a young boy,
said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the man insisted
on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the manager's room
and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter".
his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added
immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!"
customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being
clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?".
To this the boy said, "I come from Mexico. The place consists of only
prostitutes and football players!!!!! "
The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Mexico".
To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play
in your presence of mind and never panic!
son was born in the home of a minister's family. The father invited
his friend to join the celebration and choose a name for the newborn
have you given to the three elder boys?" asked the friend.
Rahmat Elahi-(by God's kindness), the second Barkat Elahi (by God's
grace) and the third Mahbub Elahi (beloved of God)," replied the proud
pondered over the names for a while and replied, "I suggest you name
your fourth son, Bas Kar Elahi (God that is enough)."
(Following one forwarded by Ashok
engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as
the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but
all Three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting
tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in
hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this
and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers
on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station,
they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment,
the engineers buy no tickets at all. "How are you going to travel without
a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom
and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks
over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on
the door and says, "ticket please." The engineer takes the ticket that
accountants gave and gets back into their restroom.
parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it
off to his colleagues.
As he got
out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the
driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed
911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had
a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely
ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did
lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook
his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic
you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that
you don't notice anything else."
you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow
down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?" (thanks: Rakhi
and Anil Singh)
Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the
Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from
you; I am doing a Community Service'.
is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes
to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting
at his door.
A Cop goes
for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies:
'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community
The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber
goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts
waiting at his door.
Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber
and barber replies; I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am
doing a Community Service'. The next morning when the Barber goes to
open his shop, guess what.......... he finds there - A Dozen Indians
waiting for a free Haircut......
a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress.
An artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with he risk
of being discovered.
warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce,bankruptcy.
Not worth it. Too many problems.
scientist says "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.My wife
thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife,
and I can spend all night on the computer"
Nene, his wife and his son were returning by train to home in Maharastra
after taking a trip of South India. Mister Nene was occupying the lower
berth, his wife had the middle berth and his son the top most berth
in the train.
the train stopped at one of the stations on the way, the son requested
his father to buy him a cup of ice cream to which he readily agreed
and got off the train. When they returned, they found that a Gujju bhai
who couldn't understand Hindi or Marathi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Mister Nene called the TT and asked him to help. TT was a
South Indian who stated that he could not understand Hindi, Marathi
or Gujarati so it would be better if Mister Nene explained the whole
situation to him in English.
So Mr. Nene explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving
birth to my child."
the various people search for life partner
Bhagwan ke nam pe koi ek biwi de de, Doosre ki nahi to apni hi de de,
Bhagwan tujhe ek ke badle do dega, Hillary hogi to Monika bhi dega
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
Why do marriage and mirage rhyme? Because both of them are misleading.
I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post
of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be
strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should
be willing to surender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e.
Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained.
Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.
Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own
boat with motor. Plaese send the photograph of motorboat.
Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai, Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye,
Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi, To yaroo ab khud se kaam
ghar ka hota nahi.
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory.
I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home.
Friend come home only seven times a week.Girl preferred who can carry
me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample
should be ample.
MECHANIC Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition.Should
be above average and must run the household at a good average. Dent
wont be tolerated especially in the head gear.
stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some
equally stupid answers:-
movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Well, it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd
watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.
bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try
again or should i try this time."
funeral:One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?
restaurant: When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah
blah" dish good
Answer:-No, its teribble and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally
also spit in it.
family get-together. When some distant aunt meets you after years Stupid
Question:-Oh wow, you've become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
a friend announces her wedding, and you ask Stupid Question:-Is the
guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No, he's a miserable, wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's
just the money.
you get woken up at midnight by a phone call Stupid Question:-Sorry,
were you sleeping.
Answer:-No. I was playing basketball outside and was about to make a
basket. What do you think?
you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair Stupid Question:-Hey
have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth Stupid Question:-Tell
me if it hurts?
Answer:-And while I'm telling you, you tell me if you bite. 10.You are
smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks Stupid Question:-Oh, so you
Answer:-No, it's a miracle ...........it was a chalk and now it's in
A Typical Life After Marriage
woman writes to the IT Technical support.....
year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband
1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall
system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery
applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal
Attention 6.5 , and then installed undesirable programs
such as NEWS 5.0 , MONEY 3.0 and ESPN
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning
2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to
fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
The IT Help Desk Responds
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and
try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget
to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should
then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband1.0 to
default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program
that will download the Snoring Loudly (Beta version).
Whatever you do, DO NOT in any circumstances
install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus
in the background that will eventually seize control of all
your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend
5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and
will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program,
but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications
quickly. You might consider buying additional software to
improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good
Good Luck Madam!